I'll Cry Instead
by Cev
Summary: Hitomi is whisked off to Gaea again, to find the country the people call 'Fanelia' totally alien to her. New battle breaks out after her return, and Van has to deal with the new Hitomi: the one that has drowned under tears of a past she's forgotten. VxH
1. Devil In Her Heart

Disclaimer: Escaflowne doesn't belong to me, nor do the characters in this story . . .blahblahblah . . .  
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Could you hear the rumble? Everywhere, it seemed like everything was tearing away and crashing into the earth. So much destruction, the stench of death . . .  
  
But nothing could touch me. I was safe in his warmth.  
  
What? Who's he? There's no one here, it's all so soft . . .and white . . .  
  
It's not white. It's red. Red like blood.  
  
Like death.  
  
Like sorrow.  
  
Like wine.  
  
But I don't like wine. No, wait, I do. The dark, red wine. The kind you loose yourself in. The kind that makes you drunk with bliss. The kind that sees your soul.  
  
Wine can't see your soul.  
  
OH, yes it can, his can . . .  
  
Two, ethereal pools . . .  
  
Don't worry, because he's strong, and he's protecting you, and he's carrying you. He'll keep you safe from the debris.  
  
So then why am I falling? And why is there someone screaming? Wait . . ..is that me?  
  
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Hitomi lifted her heavy lids, trying to listen to who, or what, was screaming. Right before her, but so far away, on the little table beside her bed, the white phone kept on screaming, hurting her ears.  
  
When did phones get so loud and annoying? She thought. She lazily picked up the pillow beside her, hid her head, and turned away from the dreadful electronic. With each wail, the girl was coming to her senses. She sat up, staring at the blank wall in front of her. Someone's trying to call her. Someone wants to talk to her. In a rush of movement, the phone, unplugged from the wall, lay dead on the tile floor, it's ringing cut short.  
  
In a dazed state, Hitomi dragged herself to her small, clean bathroom, staring at herself, and noticed that the bags under her eyes were heavy, and the crusty sleep in the crevices were being washed away by leaden, incomprehensible tears.  
  
Hitomi pressed her face into the nearest absorbent material, trying to wipe away the tears that didn't have an originator. The towel not being of much use, she stripped and slammed the door to the shower, hoping that the water would bear away her unnamed grief.  
  
Every tear a human shred had a reason from being released, didn't it? All sorrow was the result of some circumstance, right?  
  
But her tears didn't account for anything.  
  
They were just there, greeting her every morning, and her days seemed destined to be weighted down by a lingering despondency.  
  
As if something deep inside her that she couldn't reach was so sad. Something that broke her heart a million ways.  
  
But she had no idea what it was.  
  
***************I'll Cry Instead*****************************************  
  
by Cev  
  
Chapter One: Devil in Her Heart  
  
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"The sky is really blue today."  
  
"Hitomi?"  
  
"It's not foggy from the city or anything . . .it's just blue."  
  
"Hitomi . . .what are you talking about?"  
  
"What?" Hitomi blinked a few times, and turned her head from the window, looking at the girl in front of her. "Yukari?"  
  
"Hey, are you alright?" The brunette asked.  
  
"Yes, of course." Hitomi answered, as if Yukari's question was the stupidest thing to ask at the moment.  
  
"You were mumbling. Something about blue?"  
  
"No."  
  
Yukari gave her friend a questioning stare, but Hitomi glared back, and the exasperated young woman gave her rejected attention to the coffee mug in front of her. "Oh, by the way," she said, after a moment passed, "I called you this morning, the phone kept ringing and ringing until I got that 'this phone number has been disconnected' recording. What happened?"  
  
Hitomi choked a bit on her coffee, suddenly remembering her hasty solution to the irritating phone in the morning. "That was you?"  
  
"Yeah . . ."  
  
"I must have . . .uh . . .knocked it off or something." Hitomi concluded, leaning back, sipping on her hot drink.  
  
"Sure." Yukari raised her brows at her friend, shaking her head. "Anyway, I have to get to the shop, or else Rachael will behead me. This really sucks. I still have that paper for English due. Have you got it done?"  
  
"Yeah, I finished it last night." Hitomi answered. "Anyway, I'll see you later. I have to start, too."  
  
Yukari picked up her belongings, and just as she was about to step out of the café, she turned to Hitomi. "Come to my apartment tonight, ok? There's something I need to tell you."  
  
"Can't you tell me now?" Hitomi asked, turning around in the booth to watch the uneasy woman.  
  
"No, it has to wait." And with that, Yukari closed the door.  
  
"What was that about?" A voice behind Hitomi asked.  
  
She finished off the rest of her coffee, and stood up, taking the cup to the bar. "I don't know, George. Something's up." Hitomi said sadly, walking around the bar to stand by the light-hearted man.  
  
"Hey, pip up dear, got to have cheery waitresses today." George said, starting to wipe off the counters.  
  
"Okay." Hitomi smiled as big and happily as she could, and reached for her apron.  
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"So what are you going to do?" Amano looked out into the glittering black night, trying to settle his mind, and this issue.  
  
"I have no idea . . ." Yukari sighed, pacing circles in their apartment, "There's always Aida and Hiruki. They'll look after her."  
  
"Why are you worrying about it? Hitomi's an adult . . .give or take a few years. She can take care of herself; she still has her family and friends. It's not like everything's going to fall apart if we're gone." Amano said finally, trying to calm her.  
  
Yukari looked up at Amano, sighing. "But what about that whole incident three years ago? She disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long! When Hitomi came back she was never the same, and she's never talked about it once! She's so distant, Amano, and so sad all the time . . ." Amano reached out and pulled Yukari to him, wrapping her in a comforting embrace.  
  
"Yukari . . .you're not superwoman. Things change when you get into the real world."  
  
Yukari wept silently, hugging the dark-haired man tightly, "She's always been happy. Middle School, High School . . .everywhere . . .but now . . ."  
  
"It's like she locking everything inside."  
  
Yukari sighed, whimpering an agreement, letting her weight lean on Amano. "Don't worry, Yukari . . .everything turns for the better in the end."  
  
The distressed female, limp in Amano's arms, jolted up from her position because of a far-off ding, suddenly realizing why they were even up this late in the first place. "Amano . . .did the doorbell just ring?"  
  
"Yeah. She's here."  
  
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"Have you ever wished for something, but you didn't know specifically what it was?"  
  
"No . . .why on Earth would I do that?"  
  
"Don't you ever lose yourself?"  
  
"Everyone loses sight of themselves somewhere on their road."  
  
"I think I lost mine too early."  
  
"What? Your mind?"  
  
"No. My mind's still here, intact, logical. It's all there."  
  
"You lost your heart, then."  
  
"Yes. Maybe . . ."  
  
"Did you lose someone you loved?"  
  
"No. I've never experienced love."  
  
"Then how come you're so heartbroken?"  
  
"Can you keep a secret?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
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"I can't see any stars."  
  
It was late. Very late. Everything was quiet, peaceful. Hitomi lay on a bench in the shadowed park, like a homeless wretch. She silently stared at the glittering diamonds, trying to remember . . .trying to forget.  
  
She should get home. It's getting late.  
  
But home's so far away. And life would never be the same anyway. Maybe she could stay here forever, lying on the bench and staring at the stars. People wouldn't mind. They'd pass her cautiously, trying not to make eye contact. And then she'd disappear.  
  
Amano and Yukari are leaving for America, Hitomi thought. Amano's going to take up a job there, and Yukari wants to finish college at an American University. That's why they invited her over. That's why Yukari had put forth so much effort to make a good dinner for them.  
  
"We'll come and visit a lot" "I'll call all the time." "We'll fly in for the holidays." "It'll be like we never left"  
  
Hitomi pulled up one leg, squeezing it to her chest, trying to fight the burning in the back of her throat down. "Does Yukari really believe that nothing will change?" She asked herself, quickly losing her sense of reality as she stared into the cherry tress in front of her. "No matter what the case . . .people fade from each other."  
  
Hitomi hid her face behind her legs, trying to hide herself from the empty world around her. "Yukari . . .Amano . . ." They were the last people she saw all those years ago . . .before the 'incident'. Before she changed. They knew her, they way she used to be. They were the only people whose opinion mattered. The only people she loved as much as her family.  
  
So how could she not stop rivers of salt down her cheeks?  
  
In her sorrow, a small, hoarse giggle escaped from Hitomi's throat, and she closed her hand tight on the tears that fell there. "At least . . ." she laughed louder, "I know what I'm crying about this time . . ."  
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So, are you all confused yet? ^____^ I hope so! I'm so excited, I've never written an Escaflowne fanfic before. I hoped you guys liked the first chapter! Believe me, this is not the end!!!!!  
  
Love and Hope,  
  
Cev 


	2. Carry That Weight

Hey, guys! Sorry it took so long for me to get the second chapter out. I have limited time to write with school and all. Anyway, I'm really happy with the reviews, even though they're not quite as many as I'm hoping for, but this is just my first Escaflowne fanfic, so I can understand. Ok, just to clear some things up, this story happens after the series, and all the interaction between Van and Hitomi after she left never happened, ok? Although it's very angsty right now, it will get better, I promise. I know it's really confusing, but it'll come together (hey, that's a Beatles song!) Speaking of the Beatles, if you couldn't tell already, I'm labeling each chapter with a Beatles song (kind of like in Cowboy Bebop). I'm not ripping it off or anything; I just really love the Beatles! Anyway, here it goes.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne or any of its characters  
  
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"What is the shape of my life?"  
  
"What is the sound of the rain?"  
  
*******************I'll Cry Instead****************************************  
  
by Cev  
  
Chapter 2: Carry that Weight  
  
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"Hitomi."  
  
"Hitomi."  
  
"Hitomi."  
  
"Hitomi."  
  
"What?! Who's calling me?!?!"  
  
"Hitomi!"  
  
"No!! Stop!"  
  
"Hitomi, please! I need to tell you something!"  
  
". . . It's you . . ."  
  
"Hitomi. I lov-"  
  
"No! Don't say that! Don't say that word!"  
  
"Please." Hitomi sat up in her bed, eyes wide and red, "I can't handle that."  
  
The young blonde, abruptly becoming conscious that she wasn't dreaming anymore, wiped her eyes, confused and tired. It was Sunday. Amano and Yukari are still packing. It's been a week since they told her. Hitomi gently touched her temples, feeling a headache coming. It was still dark; there wasn't a hint of any rays of light that would reveal morning.  
  
She blinked.  
  
And everything was red.  
  
Red? Hitomi wondered. Every single object in her room had suddenly been cast in a pinkish-red light, leaving no room for any other color.  
  
"I'm going crazy." She rubbed her eyes again, thinking that it might somehow help. Of course it didn't, the light just got brighter. Hitomi looked around for a source, noting that the light was especially bright below her bed. "Great.now I have monsters under my bed . . . ."  
  
She hung her head over the side, pulling up the skirt. In a blinding flash, the light that coated the room dimmed, and a pink halo surrounded a small, glittering jewel. Hitomi, in amazement, fell off the bed, landing in a rather uncomfortable position on the floor. She rushed to look under the bed again, thinking the curious object would disappear if she took her eyes off it for a split second.  
  
Hitomi grabbed her head, pushing against her temples. A loud ringing pierced into her mind.  
  
Someone's calling her.  
  
Someone's trying to reach her.  
  
She reached out under the bed, clasping the glowing necklace in her hand. She stood, shaking off a foreboding feeling, and slowly opened her hands, as if she had caught a rare butterfly. She looped the thin gold chain around her finger, letting the pendant fall. A long, pink, teardrop-shaped jewel was suspended by intricately designed gold and silver, and moved back and forth as a pendulum. Hitomi placed it over her head and on her neck. Why had she never seen this before? She'd have certainly noticed it when she was unpacking her stuff last year in this apartment.  
  
The apartment.  
  
It was getting hazy.  
  
Her apartment was melting in her eyes.  
  
Well, who needed an apartment anyway?  
  
That screaming again. That calling. It built up in her ears, tearing at her eardrums.  
  
But the phone's not ringing.  
  
Hitomi covered her eyes. She was crying again, and she was tired. Everything was blurry. She couldn't see her hands in front of her face.  
  
It was then, she thought, Maybe I'm dying. Maybe I'm the one melting away. Maybe, this time, I'm really going to fade away . . . . . . .  
  
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"You see that girl over there?"  
  
"Yeah! I know her, she's on the track team."  
  
"She's a top athlete. Some of the other girls on the team say when you run; you can hear the wind in your ears like a ringing sound. They told me when she runs it's a siren."  
  
"What poetic nonsense."  
  
"Isn't it? Some people are just fools."  
  
"You remember when she disappeared? Like she just vanished . . . "  
  
"Oh, yeah, wasn't that crazy? They thought someone had abducted her."  
  
"Someone did abduct her."  
  
"What? Who said that?"  
  
"She did."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"I heard her mumbling one day . . . something about someone with wings."  
  
"Weird!"  
  
"I know. She's so strange."  
  
"She's really odd."  
  
"She's so forgetful."  
  
"And very blind."  
  
"She's incredibly sad."  
  
"And so removed."  
  
"You know, she's so forgetful." . . . . . . "Yeah, she's really forgetful."  
  
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Red.  
  
Everything's red again.  
  
"Not again." Hitomi grumbled, her eyes suddenly becoming aware of the dark color so close to her face. It was tangible, too. She could feel the red. The heat emaciating from it. It wasn't soft and pink like before. And it wasn't wine. It was tough, it was hard, and it hurt.  
  
It hurt deeply.  
  
Hitomi lifted her elbows and placed her hands on either sides of her adamant body, and lifted her weak form from her facedown situation. The familiar red track distinguished itself before her, and she knew where she was.  
  
So many memories here. She's left here once, and came back here once.  
  
"How did I get here?"  
  
"How do I leave?"  
  
Hitomi looked around the high school track, trying to discern some movement in a tree, behind the stands, trying to find the culprit that brought her here. Something wasn't right.  
  
Something in the air wasn't the same.  
  
It doesn't smell like Earth, she thought.  
  
It's cleaner, fresher, and untainted.  
  
So why is it so familiar?  
  
"Show yourself to me!" Hitomi demanded, getting nervous.  
  
Just as the words slipped from her careless mouth, blue light began to spill over the horizon. It poured like a waterfall and leaked into the shadows. A huge orb rose above the trees, above the school, above the sky, and with it came the wind. Hitomi, eyes wide, body frozen, just stared.  
  
My feet aren't working, she thought.  
  
Why won't my legs work?  
  
Are they dead?  
  
Am I dead?  
  
Am I in Hell?  
  
Her feet aren't working, and they're being covered by water.  
  
Hitomi looked down, and noticed the water now, sloshing against trees, sloshing against her ankles.  
  
Crawling above her knees, covering her stomach. She was sinking, sinking in an emotionless world.  
  
The water climbed above her eyes, and everything was blue. The red track was gone, and so were the trees, and the stars. She was falling again. Sinking.  
  
Only this time, there weren't any wings.  
  
There wasn't any warmth.  
  
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Yay! Another chapter finished! Please tell me how you feel about it! I really appreciate it! Thank you so much to those who are reading the story. See ya'll soon. Pray for our military!  
  
Love and Hope  
  
Cev 


	3. Hard Day's Night

Heyoodles! It's it great; I got two chapters out in one weekend!!! (Yeah, yeah, no big deal, but it is if you take into consideration my writing reputation ^_^) Anyway, here it is, Chapter Three!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its characters blahblahblah . . .  
  
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"I never thought I could have ever met someone so astounding!"  
  
"I know, isn't it amazing? I know I could never pull off the things they do."  
  
"Managing all that workload, nice, happy all the time, how does that boy DO it?"  
  
"I don't know, amazing, huh?"  
  
"Just imagine if everyone was like him!"  
  
"The world would be a better place!"  
  
"No doubt it would."  
  
"What are you guys talking about?"  
  
"We're talking about that boy over there, that straight A student!"  
  
"What? You two are stupid. Stupid and blind."  
  
"What are you talking about? When did you become such an expert in people?"  
  
"Didn't you know? However wonderful someone's outside appearance may be, circumstances or inward feelings compensate for it."  
  
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I'll Cry Instead  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter 3: Hard Day's Night  
  
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It was really warm.  
  
Not just that, but comfortable. Had her bed ever been this comfortable? How could a person be so relaxed? Hitomi opened her eyes, find that he sky was black and dotted with stars. She rolled over, unexpectedly taking in the sweet scent of wet, warm grass. She sighed in a content manner, watching the dark, sketchy forage in front of her, sometimes seeing little watchful yellow eyes.  
  
She sat up, trying to feel for something familiar, something that represented home. But she found nothing.  
  
"I've got to be dreaming . . ."  
  
Why was she always waking up in the strangest places? It was like her dreams transported her into another world . . .  
  
"I've got some serious case of sleep walking," Hitomi mumbled, rubbing her head. The last thing she remembered was being covered by water, but she was hardly wet. Hitomi stood shakily, wondering where she was, and how on earth she got here. Her jeans were grass-stained, and her navy long- sleeved shirt was wearing at the seams. She had nothing with her. No food, no other means of sustenance.  
  
"No duffle bag . . ." She murmured, jerking her head up, "What duffle bag? Oh, God, I'm so confused . . ."  
  
Maybe she had gone out with Aida and some friends the night before? Maybe something happened and their car crashed and she landed out here?  
  
But what kind of insane conclusion was that?  
  
Hitomi scoured the small clearing she found herself in, trying to identify something that would give her a clue of where she was. Of course she found nothing. So what was she supposed to do?  
  
Damnit. Those stupid tears. . .  
  
Hitomi leaned against a dark tree, and slumped down into a pathetic heap. Was she really so weak? She covered her heated face, grasping the grass for something she could take her frustration out on.  
  
Was she looking for reasons to cry? Hadn't she always?  
  
But doesn't everyone look for reasons to cry?  
  
Hitomi stood up abruptly. Her person would not be extinguished by some stupid circumstance that she controlled.  
  
Hah. Yeah, she controlled it . . .  
  
The newly composed Hitomi stood up, brow creased, tears gone. As she went on her way blindly through the night, the pendant she had discovered before set off with another glow, as if leading her. The girl tied her long hair into a tight knot in the back of her head, and advanced straight into the forest, with a sweet pink light lit unto her feet.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
When I was really young, I had an obsession with wings. With wings and angels. I've always loved birds, and anything that possessed those feather soft wings.  
  
But I stopped obsessing over them a time ago.  
  
About three years ago, actually. . .  
  
And I've really never figured out why.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
It hadn't been but a couple of hours into her trek that she was beginning to lose hope. Wouldn't there be some form of civilization by now? Really, Japan didn't have that much free space.  
  
Suddenly, out in the gloom, she spotted an orange glow off in the distance, like some sort of flame. Eager to find some kind of life in this place, Hitomi dashed to the large overhang of tall trees. She slowed her pace, and took quieter steps, noticing how still and silent the obvious campsite was. Part of the group, of what seemed young looking men and women, were leaning against a giant flat-faced rock, dressed in what looked like. . . .armor? It was black and red armor, and their right hands were crossed over their bodies, reaching for something that looked like . . .like a sword?  
  
A sword? Hitomi thought oddly, where the hell was she? Was this for real? Was she trapped in some sort of dream or something?  
  
Hitomi creeped silently up to a dense clump of underbrush that lay tangled up beside the limestone rock. She quizzically watched their backsides, her deadly curiosity making her lean into the shrubs, her trying to get a better look at the strangers.  
  
"The air . . ." She breathed, "it smells like copper . . . it smells like. . ."  
  
"You!! What are you doing here?!?!?!" A shrill, almost girly voice struck her thoughts to an end. Hitomi, hit hard against her back, tumbled forward into the crude camp of the soldiers, her breath lost with her senses.  
  
Young, thin, pale. White like a ghost. Like someone who had no color, no emotion . . .  
  
He was choking her, squeezing her existence away. "What the hell are you doing here, you witch!?!" He screeched. She tried to move his hands, his arms that seemed so frail. She had no strength left. The confident pink glow from before was long gone.  
  
What was he doing? Why was he trying to take her air away . . .?  
  
"Answer me, you worthless alien! Who sent you?!" His fingers kept pressing harder into her throat. He kept squeezing. She felt like she was going to pop like a balloon. She couldn't think anymore. Everything was really light. Her hair felt on fire. Her head was really close to the campsite conflagration.  
  
And those eyes. Murderous red eyes that made the very air she sucked in hot with heat and flame, and her nose thick with the smell of rotting combustion.  
  
Hitomi, struck by some subconscious memory of some sick murderer, petrified, weeped out, " . . . .like blood!"  
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Mwuhaha! Cliffhanger!!! Sorry, I just couldn't help myself!!! ^_~ See you guys in the next chapter!  
  
Love and Hope,  
  
Cev 


	4. Run For Your Life, Little Girl

HelloHello! Did you all miss me? I'm so glad everyone that has reviewed has liked the story so far. Some of your questions will soon be answered as the story goes along. That's why the term is called suspense! ^_^ Hope ya'll like this one. See ya!  
  
Yori: Japanese name, means 'dependence'  
  
Nanashi: means 'without a name' in Japanese  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its characters  
  
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I'll Cry Instead  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter 4: Run For Your Life, Little Girl  
  
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Fire.  
  
Betrayal.  
  
Hope forgotten.  
  
Affinity lost.  
  
But the fire . . .  
  
Everything's burning.  
  
The houses are collapsing. The castle is crumbling.  
  
"Van! Fight, Van!"  
  
A scared little boy.  
  
His father's head, clutched by the hair in his idol's hand.  
  
Why is this boy cursed so?  
  
"Fight, Van!"  
  
His neck is cut off.  
  
My neck . . .  
  
My neck . . . it feels like I'm going to be beheaded . . .  
  
"No! Stop! My neck!" Hitomi screamed, trying desperately to come to her senses, to feel reality.  
  
"Shut up!" The man hissed. He pressed harder, and Hitomi knew it was too late. He was smiling sadistically, a smile she knew from somewhere, a smile she didn't want to see. "Finally," he said, "Finally I'll get my-"  
  
But some hard force crashed into the man, and he doubled over.  
  
Those red eyes suddenly dilated, rolled back into his head, and the armor- clad maniac became limp. Hitomi sucked in a deep breath, coughing, trying to shove off his heavy frame. She rolled over, away from the campfire, covered in dirt.  
  
"Who are you?" A demanding voice asked, "Why was Dilandau attacking you?"  
  
Hitomi rolled on her back, and looked up at another figure, blurry in her sight. She, realizing her unfavorable position, jumped up abruptly in defense, trying to gulp in more oxygen. "I don't know. He just attacked me."  
  
"State your name."  
  
Hitomi felt something cold and piercing in her back. She turned her head slowly, to face with a harsh, aged man, dressed in a dark green armor. He held a dagger to her spine. "I advise you readily answer." He said simply.  
  
"Kanzaki."  
  
"Kanzaki? What kingdom is that name from?" The man facing her asked.  
  
"Balgus," A young man dressed in light clothing and armor ran up to the three, "We've taken in three dragon slayers. Two others ran off into the forest. Uh," He looked down at Dilandau, "Where shall we put him?"  
  
"Chain him up and get Schezar. He'll keep watch over him until we get to Fanelia."  
  
"Yes sir." With that, he slung Dilandau over his shoulder, and walked off.  
  
"Back to you," The man called Balgus said, as if he was trying to intimidate her, "What kingdom are you from?"  
  
"Kingdom?" Hitomi asked in confusion, "I'm not from any kingdom, I don't even know what you're talking about, I'm from Japan. From Tokyo."  
  
"She's lying." The man behind her said. "There's no such thing as a Japan."  
  
Balgus looked her over, and came closer, peering straight into Hitomi's eyes. "You're wearing trousers. Any woman wearing trousers and out here with the dragon slayers can't be with good intentions. Bind her hands, Tikei. Set her on a horse and let's move out as soon as possible. I want to get out of this damned forest as soon as possible."  
  
"Yes sir." Tikei sheathed his dagger, and took Hitomi by both arms, leading her to a group of horses.  
  
"Where are you going to take me?" Hitomi asked.  
  
"Well, I'm taking you to mount a horse, but in the end you will most likely end up in the dungeons. There are spies everywhere, and no one can be trusted in a war. You are no exception, young miss."  
  
"We might see about that." Hitomi muttered.  
  
"Excuse me?" Tikei asked, looking down.  
  
Hitomi looked up at him for a brief second, his eyes, distracted by an odd pendant she was wearing, didn't detect her left elbow being shoved into his groin. He gagged in pain, hitting his knees and leaning forward.  
  
Hitomi, on the other hand, just ran.  
  
"Someone get her!" Tikei yelled.  
  
"Schezar! Get your ass after that girl!"  
  
A young blonde knight, already on his horse, turned his attentions to the escaping maiden, as Balgus shouted orders to other soldiers to get after her. He hit the horse's backside hard, and made a dash for her.  
  
"Oh, thank you, track team," Hitomi said to herself, running as fast as her drained body would allow. She hit the trees, running straight for once, looking straight ahead.  
  
Allen Schezar plummeted into the trees, crisscrossing at in incredible speed, but still keeping his eye on the girl. "Stop!" He yelled.  
  
"Like hell." Hitomi muttered, jumping over fallen logs and dense brush.  
  
"Damnit," Allen cursed, "How can a girl run so fast?"  
  
Hitomi came into another clearing, where the moon lit up, where she could see the man behind her. He was getting too close. Just as she looked back, her foot tripped in a hole hidden by grass. The ground met her face and body in a rush, knocking the wind out of her, and sent her into another coughing spell.  
  
Allen's horse reared back from the hard tug of the reins. Allen jumped off the horse, and ran over to the fallen stranger. He kneeled down to the facedown form, and turned her over.  
  
All at once, it all came back to Allen. It was her. The one person that changed everything on this planet. The one that saved their king. "Hitomi." Allen stuttered out, "I can't believe it's you! After all this time!" he said in surprise, and gathered her in a weak hug.  
  
"What? Get off of me! How do you know my name?" Hitomi snarled, pushing the knight off.  
  
"Hitomi, it's me, it's Allen." The knight said in surprise, leaning towards her.  
  
Hitomi stood up, "I've never known anyone named Allen." With that, she sped off behind Allen, towards his horse. She took it by the reins and struggled up into the saddle, kicking the horse, and it shot off beneath her, with Allen too stunned to even run after her.  
  
"Shit . . . she's going into the mountains."  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
How long had it been since she'd seen the sun? The trees she had been running through were getting thicker and everything seemed oppressed, especially the air. Everything seemed darker, and eerie. The horse that she stole from Allen was full of supplies, a sword, and dagger. At least she had the horse. "Do these people expect to be attacked at any moment?"  
  
Hitomi dismounted, her legs feeling like she just ran the hundred-meter dash. The horse eyed her carefully, now that it had been taken suddenly from its master. Hitomi rubbed its nose, trying to comfort the wary animal. "Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything." She said. Hitomi hugged the stallion around the neck, abruptly getting the full force of what was happening. She obviously wasn't anywhere she knew about, and the people were by no means in a developed civilization.  
  
Everything here was hostile. Didn't Tikei, that soldier, say that this place was under a war? Now that she was on her own, she didn't really think she had a chance. It had to be better than a dungeon, though. That didn't exactly seem like the best circumstances. Still, that man, Balgus, saved her from that white-haired soldier they called a dragonslayer. What was a dragonslayer, anyway?  
  
And she had no money. She didn't even know where she was. How was she possibly going to survive in this world?  
  
Hitomi took the horse by the reins, leading him up the rocks, walking blindly into the dark. The stallion followed obediently, suddenly very trusting of the awkward girl.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Their path was becoming steeper and dangerous. Hitomi stumbled over the rocks, comforted by the light color that peered over the horizon of trees. Her watch, dirty and blurry, read eight o'clock, but what time was it here? Did they even have a time?  
  
The top of the hill they climbed was just in front of her. For a hill, she sure could see a lot from here. Many clouds, and.a moon? Hitomi peered at the white sphere, noticing a dark orb behind it.  
  
"Earth . . . ?"  
  
What kind of strange nightmare did she stumble into?  
  
The reins she held jerked in her hand, and grabbed her attention. The horse walked faster, and Hitomi tried to pull him back, but he wouldn't. The animal climbed to the top, dragging poor Hitomi with him. Below the two, a large city gleamed in the valley, a city surrounded by mountains. For some strange reason, something in Hitomi sparked, and she felt incredibly at peace.  
  
"I want to go there," She mumbled, holding onto the reins harder. The horse stared at Hitomi, nudging her side, pleading. "No, it's too steep, and you getting up here so fast tired me out. We have to find another way, and I'm tired and hungry. Aren't you?"  
  
Hitomi climbed down, and the two started off, walking a narrow somewhat worn path along the summit of the hills.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The sun stood high above their heads, and looked pleasantly down at the strange place. Hitomi and her stolen horse hadn't made much progress. She stood a few kilometers away from their starting point, and she couldn't spot a fair place where they could travel down to the city.  
  
"Yori, do you know a way?" Hitomi asked the horse. He looked at her oddly. "Well, I do depend on you. Besides, I can't call you Nanashi or something. Yori is a good name, don't you think?"  
  
The stallion nudged Hitomi forward, so that she stumbled into the trees. She looked down at the city, holding onto the trunk, and noticed a soft roll of two hills, where two towers were placed on either side.  
  
"That's how we get there?" Hitomi looked up at 'Yori' questionably, "You are too smart for a horse." She said, wagging her finger at Yori. To Hitomi, Yori seemed as if he was smiling knowingly at her, but she walked on in front of him, not bothering to hold the reins. She no longer needed to lead him.  
  
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Sorry it took me so long, everyone. I've been really busy, and I've had a bad case of writer's block at the moment, but I've been able to struggle this last part out. I'm not exactly how this story is going to progress; all I have is a bit of an outline. Don't fret; my writing is about to become a bit more confident.  
  
Love & Hope, Cev 


	5. Nowhere Man

Heyheyhey!!! Sorry it took, so long, but this chapter is longer than most. Thank you Fushizen na, Niffer, Fae Rain, SabineballZ, and everyone who's reviewing, I reallyreally appreciate it!  
  
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"Is it a dream? Or perhaps an illusion? No, it's unmistakably real. Yes, everything that day... Started because of the time I asked the tarot cards, what the path of love would be."  
  
************************************************  
  
I'll Cry Instead  
  
Chapter 5: Nowhere Man  
  
By Cev  
  
****************************************************  
  
Hitomi and Yori peered out from behind the wall. "Yori, are you sure?" The horse nudged Hitomi, annoyed with all of her hesitant decisions. Hitomi was about to walk in with the moving crowd that passed through Fanelia's gates, but turned and went back behind the wall, hidden from soldiers' eyes.  
  
"Your old buddies are here." Hitomi said, pushing the horse back more so they could hide easier. She took the reins and led him into the thick trees, heading to the river. "We have to disguise ourselves." Hitomi looked up at Yori, "You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to."  
  
Yori snorted, and headed down to the riverbank, pawing at the mud. Hitomi, quite confused, just stared. The light brown horse dragged Hitomi by her shirt with his teeth over to the dark mud, and stood there, waiting.  
  
Hitomi, suddenly struck with understanding, began her work.  
The crowd was larger than she'd thought. Carriages moved along with various horses, wagons full of supplies and people were pulled along, while some women and children could be seen with baskets of food and goods. There were so many different people, all condensing into this area. Blending in wouldn't be that big of a problem, but Hitomi had to wrap herself in a cloak, she was certain her clothing from Earth wasn't the usual apparel. Yori's hair was darkened considerably by the mud, and Hitomi had found a scarf in the bags attached to Yori's saddle. With a flinch and squeezing eyes, Hitomi chopped off her hair to shoulder length, and pulled it up with the dirty scarf.  
  
"Well, aren't we the dirtiest vagabonds?" Hitomi asked sarcastically, pulling Yori along with the crowd. Why were there so many people? Was this usual for this city? In the distance, she could see the group of soldiers from the night before hanging around the gates. Hitomi lowered her shadowed eyes, and no one really seemed to notice her.  
  
Yori followed along with a high head, as if searching. Hitomi pulled the horse to the side, and noticed a pair of guards talking. Hitomi pressed herself against the gate, listening to the two.  
  
"They just keep coming. I didn't realize there were so many survivors." The taller soldier said, looking down on the moving crowd with pity.  
  
"I heard that their town was worse off than the city before it. All these people from Shoda have no where else to go, but how can Fanelia care for all of them?"  
  
"I'm sure the King has it sorted out, Hil. He's been through war before, this isn't new." The first soldier answered.  
  
Hitomi walked on, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Shoda, huh? So it's a city that been destroyed by this so-called war. All these people . . . they looked devastated.  
  
Hitomi walked on confidently, as if she knew where she was going. She walked into what looked like a restaurant, tying Yori to a post. She walked in, unnoticed by everyone. Was she so invisible now? She watched as waiters rushed from table to table, she caught one's attention, asking for a washroom, but they shrugged her off and pointed towards the kitchen. Hitomi walked towards the back, and looked at the many doors in the corridor. How was she supposed to know which one led to the ladies' washroom? She opened the back door, and walked through, taken by surprise by an old man, who didn't notice her, but kept on relieving himself.  
  
Hitomi rushed back into the corridor, "Wrong door." She concluded, all but content at the moment. That wasn't a very good sight to see. Hitomi tried another door, and found it to be the kitchen, and just as she was about to back out, a waiter came in, forcing her into the kitchen and out of his way.  
  
"You there!"  
  
Hitomi flinched, and tried to walk out discretely.  
  
"Don't go anywhere, get back here!" The woman shouted at her, pulling her back. "You're the new washer, right? What the hell are you wearing? Get in to uniform and an apron, good thing you came early, we've got a lot of work for you!" She said, pushing a long black skirt, a white shirt, and two aprons into her hands. The woman, bossy and sassy, stared at Hitomi for a second, her brown, outrageously curly hair falling into dangerous eyes. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get to work!"  
  
She walked away, leaving Hitomi blank. The flabbergasted girl was quickly loaded up with dishes in her arms by busy waiters. She piled the 'uniform' beside her feet, pulled her cloak off and an apron on, and started to wash.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
"Bet you're mad at me, huh?" Hitomi asked, trying to compensate for leaving Yori outside and alone all day. The horse stared at her with fiery eyes, obviously not in a pleasant mood. "Well, I did get some money," Hitomi opened her hand to reveal some coins, and she was wearing the black skirt the woman that ran the kitchen gave her, so as to blend in more with the population. But she retained her navy long-sleeved shirt, maybe as something to keep her in her mind, that Earth was just a sky away.  
  
Again, that stupid optimism.  
  
"I also raided their pantry, and I found these." Hitomi revealed from her sack a handful of sugar cubes, and some odd-looking fruits and vegetables. Yori, quite intrigued by this, nudged Hitomi, suddenly very forgiving.  
  
Hitomi led him away from the homes and sneaked out of the gates, venturing east and towards the back of the city, towards a lofty, serene castle. She sat over by the river where they had traveled earlier that day, fatigued and famished. Yori, after a delightful sugary snack, pranced off like a kid to munch on lush grass, leaving Hitomi pondering whether to eat the foods she had stolen. Figuring a restaurant wouldn't exactly serve poisonous foods; she bit into a red fruit.  
  
It tasted old.  
  
Not 'aged' old, but like when you bite into something you haven't eaten in years, and it's new and refreshing and a strong taste in your mouth, and it's new and old all at the same time, but stronger and more potent.  
  
Hitomi shook her head. This couldn't be real. Wasn't it just yesterday she laid on her bed, warm and alone, with no stupid war, no crazy encounters, or insane albinos? While she ate, the girl hummed a familiar tune, then glided into a Japanese song her grandmother taught her, trying to comfort herself.  
  
****************************************************  
  
I once watched the rain  
  
As it fell on my eyes,  
  
And washed my cold tears away.  
  
Weren't you that gray cloud?  
  
That watched over me,  
  
When sad rain came pouring down?  
  
I knew on that day,  
  
When you stretched out your wings,  
  
I'd never see you again.  
  
When I opened my arms,  
  
And ran from the gates,  
  
Our hearts seemed to still endear.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
It was cold.  
  
Hitomi's eyes flew open, and, being blind from the thick black of night, she could see nothing, but feel everything. A high flute played in her ear, the wind blowing some tune. The muddy ground was cold and wet, and she was soaked. Her hair was dripping all down her back, and her skirt and shirt were caked in brown dirt.  
  
"Yori!" Hitomi screamed, even though she knew nothing was wrong about the night, but what was this feeling? Like the world was about to die? "Yori!"  
  
Her chest heaved with labored breathing. Why was this happening? She hadn't moved for at least six hours. Something didn't feel right; every part of her was constricted with anxiety. "Yori!"  
  
Two white, flashlight eyes peered through the brush, staring at the panicking figure. Hitomi swallowed hard, frantically flailing her arms around to feel for the animal.  
  
"Where've you been?" The horse's warm nose rubbed her shoulder, and Hitomi could feel the shivering nervousness against Yori's skin. The white eyes moved down, and Hitomi heard the thick slosh of feet in the water, that and the steady, hypnotizing eyes, the wind, the dark, she felt heavy and dead.  
  
Within a rush, Yori bit Hitomi's arm, bringing her back to her body, and Hitomi, heaving like a hunted prey, pulled herself onto the horse, holding onto the reins, praying, not daring to look back, pushing Yori ahead blindly, diving into the darkness.  
  
A light among all, the city bloomed out in front of her, the steep incline of the hill rearing Yori back, causing Hitomi to fall off into the tall grass. Those white eyes were right behind the two, dark and pure, heavy and light.  
  
Something glimmered under the moon's light, echoing some black image to red steel . . .  
  
Hitomi stood shakily, limbs protruding awkwardly, all bent, ready to pounce.  
  
A clean dividing cut, perfectly deadly.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Geore was a good soldier. Really, he was. He never did anything out of the ordinary; he never had been in a war. Never killed anyone, or anything. He was not even nineteen when he joined the Fanelian army, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Every morning he left his house, his wife, his baby daughter, and went and stood at his post at the gate, staring at people as they came and went, an endless sea of red faces, old and new, tired, aged, and young. It was the same every year that passed, always the same. Geore never had to worry about the destruction or rebuilding of Fanelia, he was gone when it happened, and never returned until two years ago, when he joined the army.  
  
Now, you see, Geore doesn't have any experience.  
  
He doesn't even think he could survive a regular alleyway thug.  
  
And with the war, the sickness, the bloodshed growing closer and closer everyday . . .  
  
It doesn't look that hopeful for our friend Geore.  
  
Geore sat there, his assigned position on the ramparts, staring out into the dark void of the trees, tired and lazy. Balgus sat shadowing the light of the tower on the opposite side of the gate, watching out into the forest, his keen eyes wary of the wind that gently blew against the grass, the soft steps of some animal, the whoosh of a bird's wings. Every soldier stood on guard of the city these days, but they didn't complain. They switched out posts, and were allowed to go home for a short while. But, every night, nothing seemed to happen, no endless wave of dark armor-clad forces to burn Fanelia to the ground. Were they really going to attack? Was it all a hoax? Balgus watched as the soldiers spread the rumors, as if they actually knew what was happening. But he did, in the pit of his heart, Balgus was sure: this wasn't going to be some simple war with easily seen motives.  
  
Balgus's heart skipped, as he knocked over his chair to lean out the window, noticing a small amount of soldiers crowding around a filthy looking horse, carrying some brown heap on its back. Balgus ran down the stairs to the gate, pushing the soldiers out of the way, trying to see what was the commotion. A small lock of blonde hair peeked out from the brown pile upon the horse, and a soldier from Balgus's side, Geore, picked up the pathetic creature, moving the cloth off of the figure's face.  
  
"Move away!" Balgus ordered, Geore walking behind him, the cold victim in his arms. "Take the girl to the hospital, Geore." Balgus said, taking the horse forcefully by the reins. "She's an escapee. Take a few guards to watch after her, she might be dangerous." With that, he pulled Yori away, despite the horse's resistance.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Aren't you Allen's horse?" Balgus muttered.  
  
Hitomi's eyes peered out of her heavy lids, trying to distinguish some familiar image. Yori's retreating, blurry form was her last sight, the oppressive heaviness taking over her body.  
  
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Well, that's all for today! ^___^ I'm so glad I finally finished this chapter, it took me a long time. Hope ya'll enjoyed it, so tell me what you think!  
  
Please save our Earth, Cev 


	6. I'm Looking Through You

Well, took me long enough. Hope it's worth the wait!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne blahblahblah.  
  
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I'll Cry Instead  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Six: I'm Looking Through You  
  
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Hitomi kicked a rock to the wall of her cell, staring into the darkness, her eyes watered and heavy, reminding the guard men of some unfed crazed animal on the verge of insanity. The distraught girl had been cooped up in the cell for three days all ready, with no friendly visitors or a person (or thing) willing to listen to her story. She was trapped here, alone, unwelcome, and damned confused.  
  
She was lucky, she supposed, that she was here. They had tended her wounds in some medical wing of this place, she couldn't quite remember, and the moment she opened her eyes, they had hauled her off into this place of confinement. Perhaps it was better she were here in this dungeon, rather out and about in that forest, where who knows what could have killed her. And that damn creature. . .thing with those white eyes that put her here in the first place.  
  
Dirty, old hay surrounded and cushioned Hitomi, the usual sweet smell that came with the straw now long gone. She wondered quietly where Yori was, and what he was doing, and if the horse missed her company. Sitting up cautiously, Hitomi heard the faint clack of approaching heels. The girl scrambled to the doors, pressing herself to the wooden gate that enclosed her, peering out into the hall from a slot cut into the wood. It must have been the Feeder, an old man that gave Hitomi her meal every day: A lousy cup of thin soup. She glared at him. It was kind of ironic really; she had wanted to loose weight back home. And she wasn't sure what those guards wanted with her. First they try and keep her alive after the attack, and now they contain her in these unsanitary and cold conditions, a place where she'd probably die from in a couple of days.  
  
Hitomi strained her neck to look to her left, where the old man usually came from. She expected a bag of brown cloth and a mess of thin black hair peeking from a dark hood, limping from cell to cell, but noticed, however, that this time there was no crippled man. Instead, a bright haired blonde, tall and handsome, clad in regal blue bearings, was walking towards her cell!  
  
"What the bloody.?" Hitomi asked, stepping away from the doors. It was Allen, that stupid knight that owned Yori! That one that ran after her!  
  
"Hitomi!" Allen said, peeping in through the slot, a smile on his face. What the hell was he smiling about? She wanted to spit on him. "What have they done to you? It took me forever to find you. The guards were told not to let anyone near you. You've become quite the topic of rumors about the castle. They say you're a spy for the Dragon Slayers. I, on the other hand, know better."  
  
"What in the world are you talking about?" Hitomi growled, "Rumors? Dragon Slayers? For goodness sake, that stupid albino weirdo was about to murder me!"  
  
"Yes, well, Dilandau Albatou is like that, no matter if you're working with him or not."  
  
"I don't care! Everyone here is about as loony as that psycho! The only normal creatures here are your animals!"  
  
"Yes, my horse seems quite attached to you now . . . well," Hitomi heard a bit of rustling, and clanking of iron, "we should probably get you out of here. A few more days of you in here will probably be the end for you." He opened the doors, and walked in.  
  
Hitomi backed up into the wall, "I'm not going anywhere with you. I can survive here just perfectly."  
  
The knight chuckled, "I'd like to see that. You're not used to these conditions, and obviously bent out of shape. Come on, Kanzaki, I'm not going to hurt you."  
  
"Where are you taking me?" she demanded, and stood up from the wall, holding her head high.  
  
"To see the King."  
  
Hitomi faltered, "King?"  
  
"What else were you expecting?" Allen asked, walking out of the cellar, motioning for her to follow. The other prisoners watched the girl take her leave, and climb up the damp and dingy stairways that led to the surface. "He wants to see you."  
  
The girl titled her head to the side, all of a sudden her heart and body inflated, and her throat was parched, ".King.?" She repeated.  
  
"Move it. We haven't got all day," Allen said from behind her.  
  
Shooting a deadly glare at the difficult man, Hitomi opened a large heavy door at the top of the enclosed stone stairwell. She shut her eyes immediately, the unexpected brightness of day burning into her pupils.  
  
"Hitomi? Hitomi, are you all right?" He asked gingerly, holding her shoulders.  
  
Still blinded from the daylight (but quite as sly as ever), she stared up at him menacingly, and Allen, just dawning on what she intended, was too late to realize what she was doing, and was thrown back rolling down the stairs, courtesy of Hitomi's flailing arms.  
  
Running was her last option. Firing off from the cold ground, Hitomi bolted down a corridor, turning wildly and without much balance ever so often, hoping to lose the knight with her speed, something that she thought was easily done.  
  
"Hitomi!" Ignoring the pleading calls, she raced up corridors and hallways that were as alien to her as everything in this place. Taking a few wild turns, she frantically opened a large gold door, despite the protests of nearby pompous guards that were encircling the juvenile. Without much realization Hitomi tumbled over her feet, falling haphazardly down a grand stairway, carpeted and leaden with gold, which was now pounding into her skull with every step she bounced and crunched down from. She fell into an immobile heap at the bottom of the stairs, with a loud and sickly thud.  
  
A large breath was drawn in from the crowds. She had landed on a long, red carpet, leading to something that looking fuzzily like a large gleaming chair in the middle of the room, mounted. Allen appeared at the top of the stairs at the gold railing, out of breath and looking very unkempt. At his entrance, and with the new appearance of this frail, dirty, and now seemingly dead girl, hushed whispers erupted from the court that crowded around the King's throne, wary of the brown heap at the foot of the stair well.  
  
"My King . . ." Allen tried to explain, rushing down the steps, "She got out, I was merely. . ."  
  
The man that sat so smugly in his gold, bright, garishly ornamented chair, rose up, looking menacingly at the nervous Knight. His green robes billowed out as he walked towards the fallen girl, staring down with hard eyes. "You were merely assisting her?" He asked, smiling cruelly.  
  
"King F-"  
  
"Don't speak, you fool." The dark man roared, "You've caused me enough trouble as it is, when I specifically asked for this creature-" he nudged the barely breathing girl with his boot, "to be kept in solitary confinement!"  
  
Allen cringed, something that no person in the court had ever witnessed before. The Knight walked down the stairs casually, as if nothing happened, and when he reached Hitomi, he picked her up by both arms, dragging her off as if she were an animal. The man Allen had called King gave an airy chuckle, staring at the girl as she was pulled up, with much pain.  
  
Hitomi looked up, trying to discern the figure in front of her. Her heart was bursting in her chest, and all she could hear was the pulsing and rushing of blood in her ears. Her mouth tasted metallic, and had a milky texture. . .  
  
The swirling colors her brain has meshed together had suddenly became very clear. A man stood just feet below her, grinning nastily, and sounded as if he was laughing! His dark brown eyes glittered unpleasantly beneath bright brown locks of hair; Hitomi would have liked nothing better than to gouge them out of their sockets right now. A maiden had come to his side, laughing her cheery stupid blonde head off, and coming at him shyly, "King Fiena, come now, what will you say of our proposition?"  
  
Hitomi's bright blue eyes glowed red with intensity, lighting with a dangerous fire.  
  
KING?!? This man was King of the place?  
  
Fiena?  
  
Brown hair? Brown eyes?  
  
No. She didn't know why, but this wasn't right. It's not supposed to be like this.  
  
This stretched the line. This was the last button.  
  
It was wrong.  
  
"You're no King." She said loudly, jerking from Allen's grasp. Allen stared back at her in shock.  
  
Fiena, who had turned his back to the two, stopped in his tracks, causing the immediate attention of the whole room.  
  
"What did you say?" he whispered in a low voice.  
  
"I don't stutter." Hitomi snapped, limping down the stairs to face him.  
  
"No, Hitomi!" Allen protested, reaching out and grabbing her.  
  
"Let go, Allen!" Hitomi screamed, shaking him off with difficulty.  
  
"You'd better get that woman under control, Schezar! You're already balancing your life on a thin blade!" Fiena shouted.  
  
"You bastard! WRONG!!! THIS IS WRONG! WHERE IS THE REAL KING, YOU FRUAD?!" Hitomi cried, plummeting into the man, shoving him to the hard marble floor. She clawed at him reacklessly, trying desparately to pound her weakened fists into him.  
  
"Get off!" Fiena smacked Hitomi hard across the face, sending her sliding across the floor. He stood, and no one in the room moved, except Allen, who was restrained by at least fifteen guards, trying to hack his way to Hitomi.  
  
Fiena stood, shaking the dirt from his clothing, and walked to the girl. He leaned down to her form and whispered so only she could hear, "You bitch, walking in here trying to act like you know everything. But you don't even remember."  
  
Hitomi's eyes widened, and she struggled to look at this terrible man in his eyes.He stood, opening a flap in his flowing robes to reveal a large sheath. His right hand grasped the handle, and he pulled the dark blade from its black cover. "Too bad, you know, with a bit of mind alteration, you could have been useful to me."  
  
Hitomi shut her eyes tightly, expecting a new rush of blood this time, the kind that came when skin and steel collided. Air rushed by Hitomi's face, as if something had been thrown near her face.  
  
"YAGH!!"  
  
Oh please.just let me be with that warmth once more.  
  
The steel never came.  
  
Hitomi looked up from her sprawled, feeble position. Fiena lay crouched on the ground, pulling a bloodied knife from his right hand. Just feet from where the two were on the floor, a tall man stood, holding a matching knife. He lifted his hidden face from a black mass of hair on his head.  
  
"No one's going to die today by you, Fiena." He said.  
  
********************************************************** I'd thought it would be a nice little cliffhanger.and make sure all my readers are still paying attention! I'll be back soon!  
  
Please save our Earth, Cev  
  
P.S. The Animatrix is AWESOME!!!!! 


	7. You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

Oh, goshness! I'm so sorry I didn't explain! (heheheh) Yeah right! I'm not revealing ANYTHING to you guys! (Besides, it gives me an upper hand!). Ok.now to answer reviews.  
  
Esca-lover: Ok, the reason why Balgus is alive and the whole Dilandau issue will soon be solved (probably with chapter eight ^_^ heh.sorry, I know it drags along.) Yes, I have seen the Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaea movie (I'm so pleased to say that I OWN IT!! Who-hoo for Cevvy-chan!!!!). I'm so sorry for confusing everyone! (even though there's a part of me that isn't! mwuhahaha!) No, I'm not confused at your review (I usually read reviews ten times over just because I love them so much!).  
  
Sereneblaze: OMG! I love you! You added my story to your list! Muchos gracias!!!! Yes, well, the only reason that I am good is because it took me so long to update chapters, so in that time (while I was reading other fanfics) Much knowledgeable I became, Padwon! (don't ask.tooooo much sugar today) Poetic? Hmmm.I never considered it to be like that, but that's very complementing! Thanks!  
  
Sailor Hope: I love writing mysteriously (if you can't tell already.). I believe it gives people a thought to come back and read more (kind of addictive, you know?). That way I get more reviews! (See, my intentions are now clear!) Anyways, I'm glad to know that my readers connect to the characters!  
  
Opalwings: Thank you so much for all your reviews and such. It means a lot to me that you like my story (since I'm such a fan of your work). I'll be looking forward to the completion of Beneath Two Moons (Something every Escaflowne fan should read)!  
  
Oh, and the story line hasn't really been set in yet, but it certainly will in this chapter. I'm sorry it's taken so long, guys! Thank you to all my reviewers and those who have read my story from the start (That means you, Niffer, SabineballZ, and Fushizen na!). Oy, it's been so long since I've really started writing on this story, so some of my original twists I have changed to other twists (as you all have most likely recognized from Chapter six.) I've kind of been lazy and left my original writing style from the beginning behind, and I want to incorporate it again somehow.hmm..oh well! I'll think of something! Anyways, I'd better get on with the show, ne? You guys are getting restless, I'll bet!  
  
One more thing, I think I might of misspelled certain things, so please, if anyone catches them, tell me in your review (which I know you'll write, ne?). Thanks. (Oh yeah, Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne!)  
  
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I'll Cry Instead  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Seven: You've Got to Hide Your Love Away  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
I once watched the rain  
  
As it fell on my eyes  
  
And washed my cold tears away.  
  
Weren't you that angel?  
  
That watched over me?  
  
When my life came crashing down?  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Hitomi looked up, her green orbs wide and questioning. Who the hell was this new man?  
  
"Hey Hitomi," The black-haired man grinned, his bright blue eyes shining in amusement. This was NO time to be amused, Hitomi thought.  
  
"GADESS!" Allen yelled, knocking down the final guard and running to them.  
  
"You traitors!" Fiena bellowed, his eyes ablaze as he held Gadess's knife in his good hand. He threw it expertly at Gadess, but the man simply caught it, and shoved it into a sheath on his side.  
  
"You're the goddamn traitor," Gadess said coolly, smirking at the bloody king.  
  
Fiena glared at him with hatred, "Guards!"  
  
Gadess gulped slightly, and ran towards them, picking up Hitomi and slinging her over his shoulder, being sure to slam his boot into Fiena's bleeding hand. The King cursed loudly, and managed to draw a thin line of blood from Gadess's knee with his sword before the man sped off towards Allen. The crowds of people that were backed up along the walls of the throne room flinched and stared in awe of the men and the woman that had so easily defied this terrible man.  
  
Allen took Hitomi from Gadess and slung her over his shoulders despite her complaining; she was in no fit state to fight back. They ran along the corridors, followed by a few men and women, who seemed all to be different from the other crowds of servants and of the court. They all carried weapons of some sort, and as they ran, guards repeatedly attacked. "Shit," Allen swore, gripping Hitomi tightly. She flinched, her body was covered in bruises and scars, and he wasn't helping it.  
  
"This way!" A maid shouted, directing the small crowd of rebels to a tiny door in the side of a tall corridor made of stone, pointing with her bloodied and worn sword. Hitomi watched in the blackness that blanketed through them in horror as the maid closed the small door they climbed through, and a sword pierce through her from behind. She smiled at the group and waved her goodbye.  
  
"The woman!" Hitomi breathed into Allen's ear.  
  
"Forget it. Sara's done her part, we cannot go back!" Allen said gruffly, trying to climb through the rocky passageways they passed through. Hitomi was getting heavier every moment he ran forward, and they still had a long way to go.  
  
"We're almost there!" An old man shouted through the blackness, his bright orange torch a flicker to Hitomi. Her eyes were blurred and her head felt heavy. But she had to stay awake. For where ever they were going, she knew that she had to stay awake.  
  
"Ready the guymelefs!" Gadess roared over the men and women, "Pilots, take as many as you can with you!" The now large group scattered through a very large rocky dome, that reminded Hitomi of the large limestone caverns from Earth.  
  
Allen returned Hitomi to Gadess, "Take care of her. I'll have to take Schezarade. You know where we're headed?"  
  
Gadess smiled mischievously, "Yes, and I think a certain someone will be very happy to see our little friend here."  
  
Hitomi grunted, being pushed back and forth between the two was becoming annoying. And what the hell were they talking about?  
  
Allen's eyes darkened, "Things are going to be different than we expected, Gadess," Allen set a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Be careful. Oh, and thanks."  
  
Gadess grinned, "Hey, what are right-hand men good for?"  
  
Allen nodded with a weak smile, and ran off through the crowd to Schezade, but not without one last glance at Hitomi.  
  
"Come on, then," Gadess said, carrying Hitomi to his horse, "We'll be in the safety of friends soon, Hitomi, and then we'll explain everything." He sat her in front of them, and they galloped off through one of the main passageways leading off from the great cavern, where most of the crowd was running through. Or 'stomping', as the girl would more like to put it. Hitomi's heavy lids were certainly awakened when she saw the huge, odd, robot-looking things that she assumed were those 'guymelefs', carrying a few passengers in their hands.  
  
The thought of that King couldn't be shoved out of her brain, either. She didn't even know this place, didn't even know where she was, but she knew that his presence was wrong, in so many ways.  
  
Hitomi gulped nervously, what kind of hell had she been dropped into?  
  
They had been chasing after the crowd for some time now, and Hitomi felt as if they were losing themselves in the forest. Orange and red light gleamed from behind them, and loud booms and explosions could be heard. Hitomi knew that her outbreak had caused all of this, and that all of this was her own fault. She was so stupid. This wasn't any dream. She was trying to deny it, but she knew it was real, as real as the pain that emitted from her bones every time the horse's hoofs beat against the ground.  
  
Gadess noticed her tense face and reddening eyes, and he said softly, "I know there's a lot of confusing things going on, but everything has changed a lot since you've last been here."  
  
"Since. . .since I've last been here?" She stammered out, trying to make sense of it all. A lot had happened in just these short few days when she had found herself laying in that stupid clearing!  
  
Gadess looked at her quizzically, "Yes, but we've organized a rebellion. Austria has been our home more of late, it seems, but we've all gathered in the forest these past few weeks. But we'll probably be heading back to Austria, seeing how everything that was holding us to Fanelia has dropped. So much for spying. Fanelia seems as if it's cursed, all of these damn wars. . . everyone will be glad to see you, though, it'll be a nice laugh to see the looks on their faces when we come galloping through there!"  
  
"Who is 'we'?"  
  
Gadess smiled, "All of the Crusade crew, Austria's royals, a few people from Fanelia that weren't infected, and the few others that slipped past the disease. It's hard to explain, and lengthy, so I'd think it would be better for someone else to relay to you just what exactly has been going on."  
  
Hitomi said nothing, but just kept staring forward, watching the backs of people and their horses. The guymelefs had stayed behind, rightly so, though, they were so big, and the mindset of this group seemed to be one thing: Hide. What was this disease Gadess was talking about? Hitomi shook the thought from her head, it would be revealed to her later, and she already had dozens of other things on her mind.  
  
Night crept upon the travelers within one hour of their hastened escape, and many were wounded. Hitomi's body had long ago fell captive to sleep, with Gadess as her support. His dark eyes scanned the weary group with sadness. The fruits of the effort to reclaim Fanelia had rotted away yet again. He sighed inwardly, knowing that Lord Van would not be happy with this news, especially after so much hard work was put up to sneak in the Rebels into the Fanelian Castle, especially Allen. But now that Hitomi was back, he wondered, things would definitely change, just like it had three years ago. So, there was still light, in so much darkness.  
  
He chuckled to himself. Oh, yes, things certainly were going to get interesting!  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
In the middle of the night, Hitomi was nudged awake by Gadess, who himself was about to fall off the horse from exhaustion. The girl looked up to him questioningly with her green orbs, seemingly to have lost her abrupt and unreasonable anger as before when she was at the castle. Gadess tilted his head forward, and Hitomi stared at what he was motioning to. The group had slowed to a light pace, and among the trees and thick brush of the forest tents, it seemed like hundreds of them, circled in and out of the trees, surrounding at least a dozen of large fires. They looked makeshift and small, with a few larger, much longer ones, where many of the people from the group that escaped the castle were heading. Bloodied humans and odd- looking animal-like people were coming in and out of one larger tent, and it looked to be an infirmary of some sort. It seemed that the arrival of the group had raised every person from the camp like a foot crushing an ant bed, and people were running in haste from everywhere, gathering supplies, trying to help the injured, and find out just what had happened to make them all arrive so unexpectedly.  
  
Gadess helped Hitomi from the horse, leading her to the large tent. One woman, who was going back and forth between the injured, grabbed Hitomi away from the tall soldier that saved her. Hitomi looked back at him, she being hauled through a passage of the tent. Gadess smiled, and waved, "I'll be back for you later!" he reassured, and Hitomi followed the woman, who, to her realization, was covered in fur, and had alert, large fuzzy brown ears bobbing on the top of her head as she walked.  
  
The cat-woman sat Hitomi on an empty bed, lifting her shirt. Hitomi blushed profusely, trying to pull it back down. The woman growled, "Do you want help or not? There are many that need me all ready, so bear the embarrassment or go on without proper examination!" Hitomi, startled, dropped her arms and didn't move again. She stared in front of her, at the rows and rows of cots that filled the tent, with women, men, and younger assistants milling about from bed to bed, trying to rush their efforts so as to get to the many others who were waiting for medical assistance outside in and out (a very large crowd, that blocked off the sight at both open ends of the tent).  
  
"Well, you're one of the lucky ones." The woman finally said, who was now bandaging Hitomi's wounds and bruises.  
  
The girl looked at her in surprise. She sighed, and looked at the ground. "It's my fault."  
  
The soft golden eyes of the cat-woman gently locked gazes with Hitomi. She had heard that almost every day, "Then you'll just have to make up for it, eh?" She answered, smiling softly at Hitomi.  
  
Hitomi fell silent, and the woman hoped she had helped. She wrapped the final cloth around Hitomi's shoulder, and gently set a simple black shirt and a long, tan skirt, made from a thick material in Hitomi's hands, and set her other dirtied clothes beside her. "The lake is near, you should go and wash. Be sure to keep your bandages dry, I've already cleaned most of your wounds. I noticed Gadess was with you, tell him to take you to get food, you looked starved."  
  
Hitomi nodded, thanking her quietly, and pulling her new clothes on delicately, wincing from her wounds as the material brushed across them. She inhaled their scent, and scrunched up her nose. They smelled like Iodine. She looked over at the dirty, bloody, and torn remnants of what was the navy shirt and black dress that she wore before. Not taking a second glance back at the sickly sight of blood and amputated limbs, Hitomi headed straight for the exit, her spot on the cot taken the moment she got up.  
  
Hitomi squeezed the crowd at the exit of the tent, and finally reached uncrowded air, breathing deeply, but immediately regretted it, for the dust and dirt being kicked up by a running boy invaded her nose. After coughing and spitting out what she could, Hitomi searched up above the heads of men and women, trying to catch a glimpse of Gadess.  
  
She found him, with his back turned to her, a tall figure that stood out from the rest of the crowd. His black hair was disheveled and looked a bit dirty, and she wondered what had happened. A short woman stood next to him, a very hard sight to miss, credited to her bright, short tuft of pink hair, and big tan and black ears that were pricked up, listening to him intently. He was surrounded by a group of men and few women, all encircling a long table with a bright lamp on top to help with the dark night, but Hitomi couldn't see what the fuss was about. She shoved herself through the crowd, and walked through the few tents separating them.  
  
A woman with blonde hair and violet eyes was now speaking to the small group, with a tall man beside her, his brown eyes contemplating what she was saying behind circle spectacles. Hitomi went unnoticed by them all, and crept up behind Gadess, unsure if she should interrupt.  
  
"Hitomi!" yelled a huge voice from behind her, and suddenly the whole camp seemed to tense and contract at the outburst. She turned to find Gadess waving to her and standing amongst a group of men and a fire. She was startled, unsure why their had been two Gadesses standing around. Looking back to the man she had mistaken for the soldier, she noticed an abrupt difference in their character, even from behind the man. It seemed the night was playing tricks on her eyes.  
  
The group that she had been nearing froze, and all eyes turned to her. Hitomi muttered an inaudible sound, which reminded one of something like a 'meep'.  
  
The girl with violet eyes had stopped speaking long ago, and the man beside her stared at her with a shocked gaze behind his glasses. The cat-girl with pink hair had turned to look at Hitomi with wide blue eyes, as if it was so unbelievable she was standing there.  
  
". . .what?" A voice whispered. Hitomi looked at the back of the man she thought was Gadess, along with everyone else that had previously stared at her. The real Gadess was behind Hitomi, wondering silently what was wrong.  
  
The man turned his face slowly, and Hitomi gasped, taking a step back.  
  
Dark pools of wine. . .  
  
Immediately, a great image of a brown dragon flashed through Hitomi's mind, but all she could see were those eyes.  
  
Swirling rich mahogany, as if chocolate had been dyed in red wine.  
  
That comforting warmth at the bottom of that stare, pulling her into a white bliss.  
  
Hitomi stood, transfixed by his piercing gaze. The man was now fully turned around, looking confused and exasperated, as if all the air had been knocked clear from his lungs. "Hitomi?" He breathed, taking a step towards her. She stumbled between another step back, still unable to see anything but him.  
  
"She's BACK!" The pink-haired cat-girl chimed, oblivious to the situation, pouncing on Hitomi as if she was a mouse, and pulling her from her reverie.  
  
Before Hitomi could utter another word, the whole group of people came toward her, happily bombarding her with an onslaught of hugs and welcomes, of curious questions and wonderings,  
  
"When did you get here?"  
  
"How have you been?"  
  
"How did you get here?"  
  
"Who brought you here?"  
  
"How long have you been on Gaea?"  
  
Hitomi was silent and frowning, a dark blot amongst the pure and happy faces of these people.  
  
"Hitomi?" The pink-haired feline asked worriedly, releasing her grip on her arm, noticing Hitomi's uncomfortable stance.  
  
Hitomi looked wide-eyed at the cat, "Who are you?" She whispered, trying not to be so rude. "Where's Allen? Gadess?" Hitomi backed away from them, trying to reach for Gadess, and trying to peel her eyes from that man's ensnaring chocolate orbs.  
  
"Hitomi! Don't be silly! You've known all of us for a long time, what, are you trying to pull a joke on us?" Gadess asked heartily, patting Hitomi on the back.  
  
Hitomi looked up at him with confusion, and anger rising in her voice, "What are you talking about? I've only met you today!"  
  
Gadess went limp, ". . . what do you mean?"  
  
"Have you forgotten everything? Did you want. . .?"  
  
Everyone turned to the speaker, who had been standing quite still as everyone had fawned on the returned Hitomi. He tried to control the despair in his voice, and the heartbreak in his eyes, but this was too much to bear.  
  
Hitomi was tripping over her words, "I don't know what. . ." He was staring at her with such a force; her vocal cords were frozen.  
  
"Lord Van," The cat-girl beside him started, putting a hand on his shoulder. He roughly shoved it away, and dropped his head in defeat, staring at the ground.  
  
"Gadess!" Another voice shouted, sharply interrupting the reunion. Allen came, walking regally through the crowd to reach them, a disturbed look on his face.  
  
"Allen!" A tall blonde beside the man that the girl called 'Lord Van'. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Celena," Allen ran to hug the girl, but it was brief when he turned to the rest of them, "Hitomi's forgotten everything, she doesn't remember us or Gaea at all," he explained gently, "I think she's been infected by the disease."  
  
"But how can that be?" The pink-haired cat girl asked, "She was on the Mystic Moon!"  
  
"Mystic Moon?" Hitomi inquired gently, but was ignored.  
  
"I don't know," Allen said, "But I think her forgetting was something different than what the others have been going through with the disease. Maybe like what happened with Balgus."  
  
Van flinched at the mention of the name, but Allen went on, "Hitomi had been attacked by Dilandau and the new Dragon Slayers," at this the whole group stood in shock, and even Van was lifted from his reverie to acknowledge it, his eyes dark and fists clenching.  
  
". . .but we came across them while coming back from Freid, when they were taking me and other to join Fanelia. Dilandau knows she's back, and now Fiena has captured him, he'll know exactly who Hitomi is, because I don't think Fiena is going to take Dilandau prisoner. We can probably expect to be seeing him much more."  
  
Hitomi shivered a bit, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Allen was talking about those men from the forest, and she NEVER wanted to stumble across them again.  
  
"This is very bad," said Celena hoarsely, "All of Zaibach's soldiers left over from the war are flocking to that damnable man! And who knows who's controlling Fiena? We still have yet to know what's behind this disease!"  
  
Allen gave her a gentle squeeze on his sister's shoulder, "Millerna," he said, looking up to the blonde, "Any news from Austria?"  
  
Hitomi watched as a small smile gently bloomed on Millerna's face, "My family's ready to give as much help as they can, but we have to keep things low key from now on. We'll need to leave for Palas tomorrow night. We're holding a meeting, and the representatives from all of the Rebel groups from all over Gaea will be there."  
  
"Good," the man with brown hair and glasses said from behind her, "We're finally getting the organization and services we need."  
  
"There was another thing Eries wrote," Millerna said, inching her way forward to 'Lord Van', "Van?"  
  
The man hadn't said a word since Allen had come, and didn't seem very inclined to change that. He kept his eyes downcast and hidden beneath his dark, unruly black hair.  
  
Hitomi felt as if her whole soul had been shattered and thrown away when she looked at him, "I'm sorry!" She blurted out, causing confused faces to stare at her. Van just stood there, unsure of what to say or do. With his whole heart, all he wanted to do was take her up in his arms and fly away, leave everyone else behind and let it be to just the two of them, alone and together. But now that was impossible, all this time of patient waiting for her return was all for naught. How could he tell her how he'd felt for four years when she didn't even remember? How had he let this happen?  
  
He stared at her with disbelief in his eyes. Hitomi was still and shivering, like a rabbit that had been cornered by a lion. Why had she said that? Some subconscious idea had made her lips moved, and forced her vocal chords to work. Hitomi's hands clapped around her neck.  
  
Her voice. . .  
  
That screaming again.  
  
Someone's trying to call her. Someone's trying to reach her. . .  
  
A dark blanket, darker than the night, engulfed her eyes as she stood, blind and entranced.  
  
"You remember ME, though, don't you, Kanzaki?"  
  
Hitomi shook her head in disbelief, trying to hold back her tears, "Shut up . . . just STOP! This is all ridiculous, stupid and untrue! I'll never believe in YOU!"  
  
"You know you have to, Hitomi." She said, grinning maliciously, "You know it's true, but you can't accept it, can you? Why not? Is it because of what happened on Earth?"  
  
Hitomi's heart wrenched, "Just shut up, you goddamn devil. I told you to before. . ."  
  
"You told me?!" She laughed, as if it were a joke, "Like I'd ever listen. You killed them, not me, little girl. It was your fault."  
  
Anger covered Hitomi's features, "You idiot! It wasn't ME!"  
  
A soft smile embedded itself in her features against the blank black, "I may be a moron, but I'm not blind. I saw what happened."  
  
Hitomi's eyes went wide with shock, and her whole body felt cold. This was unreal! "kuro. . . . KURO!"  
  
As the last syllable was released from her screaming throat, Hitomi's serene form was abruptly switched into the cold body with wide eyes, the exact same look that was present in her dream, as if her soul had been reclaimed from another dimension, and her body was roughly taken by its rightful owner. Hitomi looked around with those same wide eyes, expecting surprised people to surround her because of her screaming, but none came. It was as if nothing happened at all. Her shaking hand rubbed her temples, and she groaned, the back of her throat beginning to burn. "I thought I was over that. . ." she whispered.  
  
Suddenly, the young woman was aware of her surroundings, and of the sheets and blankets that covered her, and of the warm, if not hard, board supporting her flat back. She felt a soft cushion behind her, and smiled with security through the dark. She was home, she knew it. Something felt right in here. She just had to be home. . .  
  
"HITOMI-CHAN!" a cat-girl screeched from her side, startling her and making her fall off the cot onto a soft thing on the ground to her side with a thud, and an uncomfortable grunt from whatever she landed on.  
  
. . .or maybe not.  
  
"Van-sama? What in Gaea are you doing down there?" Merle asked, looking over the bed at the squashed Van beneath the red-as-a-tomato Hitomi.  
  
"Merle, why must you always do that to people?" Van asked groggily.  
  
Merle just grinned, "Because it's fun!"  
  
Hitomi, suddenly struck by her rudeness, scrambled off of the man, and kneeled beside him, bowing low. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" She managed to rasp out, her head nearly banging on the dirt ground because of her bow.  
  
"It's okay. . .don't worry about it." Van said, trying to pull her up, but she remained there, as stiff as a board.  
  
"I'm really sorry. My name's Hitomi Kanzaki, I'm not sure how I got here, but-"  
  
"I know who you are, Hitomi." Van said, with a sadness weighing his words down. He gently held Hitomi by her shoulders and lifted her with strong arms, "I've known you for a long time," He added with a struggled smile, "But you don't know me anymore."  
  
Hitomi gulped down a large amount of air, knowing deep inside (against denial's wishes) that despite all of these out-of-this-world things that were going on, that Allen (whoever he was), was right, and that somehow, she knew that though all of these people didn't spark one memory from her, they did light one match of gentle feeling and warmth in her heart (that cursed thing that was hidden so deeply in her mind).  
  
The other half of Hitomi, the kind, energetic and optimistic one, smoothly emerged from her walls, and took over. "Well, we can always start with names, can't we? I know I don't remember, but at least," she paused, trying to fight back her unhappiness, "at least we can try again." She almost choked on her words. Was she really coming to believe all of this mess? Hitomi shook her head, all of it was like some corked bottle of wine that she was staring at through the glass, and she knew that if she took that cork off and drank it all down she'd be drowning in new fears and new hurt. Tears gathered in her eyes when she looked over at Van's concerned face. What was it about him?  
  
Her words sunk deep into Van, and reclaimed the hope that he had lost when Allen came bursting into the crowds, telling them what Van had dreaded the most. He gently ran his thumb beneath her eyes to wipe away her tears. Surprised green eyes stared at the gentle and loving movement, and he quickly drew his hand away. His heart was bursting with things he wanted to say, he wanted to tell her how much he had missed her, and how he was so damn angry and upset that she never communicated with him. He looked her over, despite her blush, noticing how much she had grown. Her cute, young face from before was slowly being taken hostage by mature features, and her whole frame seemed to have taken a sharp turn into a woman's form. He smiled gently when he noticed her still short hair, although it looked like a hack saw had done the pleasure of cutting off the bottom, leaving it to fall in jagged pieces against her skin. His smile faded considerably, though, when he noticed how abnormally thin and pale she looked. He took her hand, and while she flushed, examining how fragile and delicate she appeared. "Have you been malnourished?" He asked gently.  
  
"No, don't be silly, I'm fine." She said, reclaiming her hand. Hitomi was trying hard, she felt that for some reason she wanted to make them all believe that she was the joyful and well person that she had hidden away. And even though it was hard doing that on Earth, with her family and Yukari and Amano, just being in the vicinity of the high-strung cat-like girl and this troubled black-haired man made her worries wash away, leaving a clean surface.  
  
Merle waited for Van to re-introduce them, but when he gave no answer (probably due to his worried and engrossed expression, she thought), she took it upon herself, "I'm Merle Fanel. He's Van Fanel."  
  
"You two are married?" Hitomi asked, with an alien emotion biting at her words.  
  
"Oh, hell no!" Merle said, turning red and waving it off, but Hitomi's whole body seemed to lift from the ground a few feet.  
  
"Merle!" Van said sternly.  
  
Merle clapped her hand to her mouth, smiling sheepishly, "No, I'm just the adopted sister." Van reached out to impose an earned noogie on Merle, but the trio was interrupted by voices outside of the tent.  
  
"Merle! Van-sama! There you are!" Celena said as she entered, shaking her head, "Keeping Hitomi from resting, I see." Merle gave her a small smile.  
  
"How are you feeling, Hitomi?" Millerna asked, the blonde dipping down to come into the tent, with a tray in her hands. The tall brown-haired man from before followed her into the tent with a basin of water in his hands, peering at Hitomi with smiling brown eyes.  
  
"I'm okay, I just had a strange. . ." Hitomi began.  
  
"Vision? Dream of the past, perhaps?" Merle asked, nearly knocking Hitomi over from shock.  
  
"How did you. . .?"  
  
"We all know of your little 'interludes'." Allen said from behind Gadess, who had just entered, and chuckling annoyingly. The tent was becoming very crowded, but Hitomi didn't feel smothered.  
  
Millerna sat the tray beside Hitomi, one filled with VERY appealing-looking food, and Millerna smiled at Hitomi's hungry stare, "You should really eat, Hitomi, you looked as if you've been starved." Hitomi rolled her eyes at the overly repeated statement, but nodded her head vigorously, and attacked the food without another word. Millerna laughed and took the basin from the man beside her, setting it down on the table, dipping a cloth in it, and ordering Hitomi to look up at her. She did so while Millerna cleaned the open cuts on Hitomi's face, but the girl was stuffing a leg of some meat into her mouth, chewing vigorously, making it very difficult.  
  
Van watched with a smile on his lips. He knew that she had forgotten, and that was a bad thing, but it didn't happen because of her accord, and besides, just having her back was enough, memories or not. 'One way or another,' he silently vowed, 'I'll tell you, even if you never remember.'  
  
"Oh!" Merle exclaimed, when everyone had found someplace to rest in the tent, and Allen had lighted a few lamps, "Hitomi, this is Dryden." She said, pointing to the man with long, dark brown hair, "Millerna's husband."  
  
"Nice to see you again." Dryden said, smirking. Hitomi nodded, smiling in her greeting. She was beaming with happiness for some strange reason, with all of these people here.  
  
"Um," Hitomi said, pausing from her carnivorous pursuit to give her enough time to pull a few sentences together, "So, what exactly is happening here? This planet, it's called, Gaea, right?"  
  
The seven others glanced around towards one another, trying to prod others to explain.  
  
Celena took responsibility, and sighed heavily, her face dropping into a frown. "It happened six months ago," She started, wringing her hands uncomfortably. Hitomi urged her gently to go on with a nod, but Van interrupted her before she could begin.  
  
"I was in Freid to settle diplomatic matters," Van said, sitting himself beside Hitomi with a sigh, "While I was there, a force attacked Fanelia."  
  
"Fanelia? As in Fanel?" Hitomi asked, making the connection, but wondering why this young man would be involved in such things as royalty (and why she hadn't made the connection earlier). He certainly didn't look like the type involved in such matters, he rather resembled a worn soldier, regardless of his young age. But the similarity between the two names could not be mistaken.  
  
"Lord Van is the real King of Fanelia." Merle said firmly, but no one noticed Hitomi's relieved face. "He was there in the prospect of Freid and Fanelia's joint to become Allies."  
  
"But something was wrong with Duke Chid. The Duke of Freid." Allen said, eyeing Hitomi, "You knew him. He's just nine years old now. The disease seems to have taken him, and he refused Van."  
  
"What's this disease you all keep talking about?" Hitomi asked, taking a big chunk out of a fruit that reminded her of an apple.  
  
"Some weird disease started to take over everyone! It was so awful!" Merle said with passion, "I led those who managed to stay unaffected into the forest, so we could travel to Austria, one of our allies, for refuge. We were taken in, but it seems as if the disease has spread over all of Gaea!"  
  
"This virus," Millerna took over, blotting some blood from Hitomi's forehead, "Somehow erased everyone's memory of Fanelia, and replaced it with a new one. Everyone affected with it seems to have forgotten Lord Van, and replaced Harlan Fiena as King. We don't know who this man is, but we don't think he's behind all of this."  
  
Hitomi froze upon hearing these words, but gulped down her anxiety. There was no way her stupid nightmares had anything to do with it all. Although. . .  
  
"He's just a lucky punk that happened to stumble into someone's grand scheme plans." Celena snarled, interrupting Hitomi's train of thought.  
  
"I knew there was something wrong with that," Hitomi muttered.  
  
"What?" Van asked. What was that comment supposed to mean?  
  
"Never mind." Hitomi said, waving it off, "But whatever happened to me, it can't be the same thing."  
  
"No," Dryden sighed, scratching the stubble on his chin thoughtfully, while receiving questioning stares from every person present, "It must be something similar that happened to Balgus, as Allen mention yesterday."  
  
"Yesterday? How long have I been out?" Hitomi asked.  
  
"At least a whole day." Celena said.  
  
"Balgus? Wait, I met him in the forest when I first arrived here, isn't he working for this Fiena guy?" asked Hitomi. She certainly was confused, all of this information, and all at once.  
  
"Lord Van's old advisor." Merle said, gently nudging the tense Van, "He died four years ago, but somehow he appeared when all this commotion started. He doesn't remember Van or anybody, though, all he knows is Fiena." Van stiffened, but calmed down after receiving a small smile from Hitomi. Besides, it wasn't as if the real Balgus was alive. This one was just new memories placed inside a shell of a human that just happened to be Balgus. It sort of looked as if they, the enemy, were mocking Van by using his old sensei against him.  
  
"We're going to have to figure this out later," Dryden said, sitting up from his chair, "Everyone needs to get ready for Palas tonight. Hitomi," His gaze was directed to her, "I know that you are in no circumstance to come, but I think you need to travel with us to Austria. Especially because of your memory loss."  
  
Hitomi nodded her head, chewing and swallowing the last piece of bread, silently contemplating the new information she'd just received, and the idea of travel tonight. The notion didn't sound very appealing, especially since she was dead tired, even after her sleep (probably due to too much of it, she thought).  
  
"So how much time do we have, your highness?" Van asked, sarcasm encasing his whole voice as he smirked at Dryden.  
  
Millerna giggled at this comment as Dryden glared at Van, making her hand slip and press hard into one of Hitomi's gashes, causing the girl to cry out and push the princess, making her fall backwards and off the cot, while everyone erupted into fits of laughter.  
  
While Dryden helped his wife from the ground, Allen recovered from his hysterics, and glanced at Hitomi, locking her gaze. "By the way, Hitomi," Allen said, smiling, "Thanks to you my horse has been quite frantic with me."  
  
"Yori's here?" Hitomi asked.  
  
"Yori? Well . . . if that's what you call him . . . but he's just outside and-"  
  
Before the Caeli could say anything more, Hitomi had jumped to her feet and dashed out of the tent, despite Millerna's angry voice and Allen's confused stare. Van immediately followed with a concerned look, but the group watched on from the sidelines as the chocolate horse nuzzled the ecstatic Hitomi with his warm, black nose. Hitomi greatly returned his attention by hugging his neck, and letting the horse nibble at her hair, making many happy noises and pawing the dirt with his hooves. "Judging from your attention I guess you missed me, huh?" Hitomi playfully asked, scratching Yori's ears. He nudged her in the shoulder and Hitomi looked around.  
  
"No wonder!" Allen said with a bit of annoyance. "This darn horse has infatuation with you!"  
  
Merle wiggled her ears, and nudged Hitomi in the side, "A horse and a human. Hitomi, I knew you were weird but-"  
  
"Merle!" Hitomi said, punching the cat girl in the shoulder.  
  
Merle laughed, but gently rubbed Yori's neck, "Do you need help for the trip?"  
  
Hitomi smiled warmly and the two began to chatter away happily, all the while hugging Yori.  
  
"We'll be leaving, hopefully, in an hour," Dryden said to the rest. He cocked his eyebrow at Millerna, taking the bloody bowel from her, "I know you travel with your whole room, Millerna, but maybe you could b ready within that time?"  
  
Millerna grinned, knowing exactly what Dryden was getting at, "Well, it depends. I really need some help."  
  
Dryden gave an over-exaggerated sigh, and grinned at her with his laughing eyes glittering, "I guess I could be of some assistance. You're such a hassle!"  
  
Millerna merely laughed, and grabbed the bowel he was holding away from him, walking away with Dryden on her heels towards their tent. Allen rolled his eyes at the scene, smiling, but scoffing at Hitomi, "Now I'm going to have to get a new horse. Just great. . ." But Celena punched him in his chest, and they too left, Allen's left eye twitching slightly, trying not to rub the spot where she had landed her 'playful' attack. Damn her strength. . .  
  
"Come on, Hitomi, we have to get you some proper attire if we're going to Austria." Merle said, trying to drag the girl away from the horse, but Yori simply followed along. Gadess and Van were close behind, deep in conversation.  
  
Merle smiled when she caught a look at Van, and the loving gaze from him to Hitomi as she gently hugged the horse while walking along, a gaze which the young honey-haired girl failed to notice, she being too involved with 'Yori'. She knew what he was thinking, and despite all that had happened, Merle was relieved. Soon, she knew, Van would return to his normal, playful self, with or without Hitomi's memory.  
  
***  
  
Allen had given up his claim on Yori, despite Hitomi's arguments. To Van's distaste, the two seemed to be close, and too much for his liking. He watched them from a distance as the small group of travelers tied their baggage to the horses. The group would travel straight toward Austria, and anyone asking questions would be informed that Dryden Fassa, representative of Austria, were coming back from Tserna through Fanelia, in which his business their was of a trade agreement, and Millerna Fassa was just along for pleasure with some of their friends. The trip would last at least five days, and Van was eager to get back to Palas and start working on the plans. He had to concentrate, but Hitomi's sudden appearance had changed a lot of things, especially now that Dilandau and Feina knew she was here. And her being with Allen wasn't helping his mood. He silently slapped himself for being pigheaded. Pigheaded? He laughed inwardly. That's what Hitomi would have called it. But it didn't matter; Allen was to marry Eries within a moon. Van smiled. The knight certainly did take a liking to the Aston women. That still didn't change the fact that she was always with him, and he desperately wanted to change that situation.  
  
"Thank you," Hitomi said happily to Allen, clutching Yori's reins. She knew that Allen giving up his horse was a big deal. You didn't see people from earth freely giving up their cars to people. But then again, one couldn't compare horses to cars. "And not just for that," she said quickly, before Allen could open his mouth to say something back, "I mean for helping me back at the castle, and dealing with me. It's just all of this is rather sudden, and even the idea of all of it is quite hard to believe. I know I wasn't exactly . . ."  
  
"Ladylike?" Allen finished for her, laughter in his voice. Hitomi growled a bit, but he smiled even more, "I guess it is sudden, but you're just going to have to trust us, Hitomi."  
  
Hitomi nodded, smiling gently. Her sadness seemed to be ancient history. For the longest time she could always remember crying over the stupidest things on Earth. Birds, those stupid tarot cards, and the stupidest of them all, dragons. Hitomi suddenly remembered her dream about Kuro, and his grasp on the reins tightened considerably. Why had she dreamed of her now? Hitomi inwardly shook the thoughts from her brain. They were just stupid dreams. Stupid nightmares.  
  
"About. . .'Yori', is it? It's no big deal. He likes you too much. I can't take him away from something he loves." Allen grinned wickedly, and lifted his eyes to look straight at Van, "Besides, Lady Fate has decided, it seems, that no one can take away something someone loves." And with that he went off.  
  
Hitomi watched him curiously as he bounced away, obviously very happy with his comment. Hitomi turned around to prod Merle with a questioning stare, and the cat merely laughed heartily, shaking her head. Van just buried his flushed face into the saddle of his horse, turning away from the oblivious Hitomi.  
  
But she shrugged it off, and looked towards Merle, who had been looking over their supplies that were piled in the carriage. "Don't you have anything different?" Hitomi asked.  
  
Merle rolled her eyes. That woman could just not be pleased. "For goodness sake, Hitomi, you're not a man! You cannot go waltzing around in pants all over Gaea!"  
  
"Well why the hell not?" Hitomi asked rudely, lifting the fabric of her tan skirt as if it would better prove her point, "How can I ride a horse in this stupid skirt . . .thing?!"  
  
Merle laughed, "What? You riding a horse all the way to Austria with those injuries by yourself? I don't think so. You're going to be in the carriage."  
  
"It's not like those are any better," Van butted in, a plan formulating in his mind, "In fact, riding on a horse just might be better. Someone would just have to ride with Hitomi. For support, of course."  
  
Merle glared vehemently at Van, knowing exactly what was going through his hormone-crazed head. "I'll do it!" Chimed Gadess, who had been setting a lamp in the carriage. He received a heated glare from both Van and Celena, the latter slapping him quite hard on his back. He yelped in pain, "Why'd you do that?!"  
  
"Aren't you coming with Allen and I, sir?" Celena said, drawing out her last three words.  
  
Gadess grinned playfully, "But Celena, my dear, I got a clear impression yesterday that you were quite upset with me."  
  
Celena snorted, something that caused Hitomi and Merle to giggle, "And I am."  
  
"I guess I should make in up to you?" He asked innocently, shuffling his way to hover just slightly above her. Celena flushed red, but smiled, and was about to answer him, but Allen came storming back to the group, with a dark frown across his features. Gadess and Celena had jumped away from each other, and the light mood that seemed to grace them this evening was cut off.  
  
"Bad news." Allen said, addressing Van.  
  
The sense of dread emancipated from Allen and infected all those present around him, and Van's eyebrows knitted together, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Dilandau is in Palas."  
  
"What?!" Gadess yelled angrily, "How can that be? Fiena had just-"  
  
"It's true," Dryden walked up to the carriage, a thoughtful Millerna walking with him; "He and his lapdogs have become a rather nosy nuisance there, too, as Crider says."  
  
"Some idiot leaked information." Merle snarled.  
  
"Well, the bigger we get, the more dangerous it becomes." Van said, pulling out a dark brown hat from his saddlebag, and turning it in his hands.  
  
"We're going to have to cancel," Celena said, "There's just no way we can pull it off with Albatou there!"  
  
"No." Van said calmly, looking up to his friends, "We're going to do this. It's too important to just throw aside because of that pyro."  
  
"Extra precautions?" Allen asked, "That's not going to do anything."  
  
"I have a plan." Van said secretively, smiling slightly, the wheels already turning in his head.  
  
"Care to share, your majesty?" Dryden asked, smirking slightly.  
  
Van growled slightly at Dryden, "Not yet."  
  
"Let's go then," Allen said, directing his attention to Gadess and Celena. "We'll meet up with you all in two days at Raton. Do you know which inn?"  
  
Dryden nodded, "Don't do anything rash."  
  
"He's talking about you Celena." Gadess smirked, receiving yet another hard blow in the back from the blonde. Rolling his eyes at the two, Allen mounted his (new) horse swiftly, followed by Celena and Gadess, the two still bickering. The threesome disappeared amongst the trees; the only thing giving them away was Celena's raised voice, making a very rude comment to none other than Gadess, Hitomi was certain.  
  
Van pulled his hat over his black hair, pulling it down over his eyes, "I don't think we'll be getting much entertainment for the next two days." He said lightly, but then glanced at Hitomi with a sly smirk, "I guess that leaves you and me, partner."  
  
For some reason, Hitomi did not want to go jumping on a horse with Van. She looked over at Merle. "I'm going with the other carriage," she said, pointing to the one behind Dryden and Millerna's. Hitomi watched Dryden and Millerna climb into theirs, Millerna giggling over something Dryden had whispered in her ear. No way was she going in there.  
  
Hitomi made her way confidently over to Yori, pulling him up alongside the carriage, and glaring as another man with straw hair and light brown eyes, Crider, mounted Yori, but his apologetic smile didn't compensate. Van watched in amusement as she tried to get on his own horse with difficulty, no doubt because of her skirt. He gently moved her to the side, and mounted easily. Then, to her surprise, bent down and scooped Hitomi up, setting her in front of him, with both of her legs swung over to his right. She shifted uncomfortably in his arms once they started to move, and Van peered down from the shield at disguise of his hat at her blushing face. He smiled softly, gently nudging her, and she curled her left leg slightly, so that she faced the front, her back leaning against him. His smile broadened. He had to settle for half of a Hitomi, but the position they were in wasn't so bad. He breathed in the scent of her hair momentarily, and noticed how she tensed. "It's okay."  
  
Hitomi looked up at him with curiosity, and the minute she found his smile, she relaxed and leaned against him. She certainly was comfortable, despite the often pang of pain in her ribs. She turned around again to study his features, but he kept his gaze ahead on the dirt road, still smiling. Hitomi frowned slightly. He had said he had known her for a long time. How long? She wondered. And when she did know him, what was their relationship? He certainly was an oddball when it came to the way he looked at her. It was very different from when Allen, Dryden, or Gadess looked at her.  
  
"Something on your mind?" He asked, looking down at her with those piercing wine eyes.  
  
Caught off guard when she locked gazes with him, Hitomi ended up tripping on her words, "Um . . . n-nothing . . ."  
  
"Then why do you keep watching me?" Van asked, mirth shining in his eyes. He wasn't for certain how she felt, and he knew she couldn't possibly love him with as much as a force that he loved her, but he was certain that there was something there, in her subconscious memory. He watched her eyes cloud over with confused emotions, and studied her gently. His urge to just clasp his arms around her then and there and release everything that had built up was beginning to grow violent in his nerves, pushing him to the very edge and driving him mad. This was very unsettling, especially since she had only gotten back two days ago. He couldn't believe that she was here on Gaea, much less sitting right in front of him, and very close. Everything he wanted to say and do was filling up inside, and he knew that soon it would all overflow and would scare her off, and she would disappear again, leaving Van to cope with his emptiness in the hole he fell into when she wasn't in his life. He had to keep himself in control, especially since, in this circumstance; she didn't know him at all. How would she be able to fathom such strong feelings from a stranger? That one single thought brought a dark, depressive mood to loom over his mind. Yes. Hitomi was here. She was back. But she was a shell, like Balgus.  
  
Hitomi looked up at Van, watching his eyes change with potent and contradictory emotions. She sighed in defeat. She couldn't help looking at him; she wanted to memorize his face. A slight blush crept across her cheeks at the thought, but soon she returned serious again, and looked up at him. "What was our relationship?"  
  
Van nearly fell off the horse in surprise at her question, "Um, come again?" he asked, once he had recomposed himself.  
  
"How did we know each other?" She asked, looking up at him, "How did I meet you? From before, when I didn't forget."  
  
Van laughed a little, remembering the night with the dragon quite clearly, but as he looked down at her, he saw the desperate look in her eyes. "Has anyone told you anything?" He asked with concern.  
  
"Not really," Hitomi said, contemplating this and then adding, "And I don't see how I can be so calm right now, either. Just two days ago I was ready to bite off anyone's head if they came within my sight. And here I am accepting everything everyone says like it's all true . . ."  
  
"So what? You think this is all one very big lie?"  
  
"Pretty much," Hitomi said with a smile, "Or did, anyway. But seeing the earth in the sky certainly does wipe away any notion that I'm not here in a different world. Dilandau, the dungeon, and everyone else does contradict and clear away any doubt I have that this is some dream." She looked up through the treetops, a small glimmer of the earth and moon shining down on them in the evening sky, lighting their path. A light breeze cooled her face, and taking a deep breath she took in the smell of something that reminded of sandalwood, pine trees, an open field of grass, and the cool touch of dewdrops in the morning, like the kind that made your feet wet when you raced out across the lawn to get the morning paper for your dad. Hitomi cast her eyes downward, and she closed them, hoping and praying that she wouldn't cry again.  
  
"What's wrong?" Van knew that look. She was going to cry again, the very last thing he ever wanted to do. When would he ever be able to bring a real smile to her face, "Hitomi . . ."  
  
Hitomi looked up to him, her tears gathering, "My family . . ."  
  
"You're worried about them? They're safe and sound on the Mystic Moon," seeing Hitomi's frown, he added, "The earth."  
  
"They're probably worried about me," She whispered out, as if saying it took so much energy, "But they told me that I had left from home for a long time before, as if I had disappeared. And that's what I mostly believed, that that was the time,"  
  
"When you were here." Van finished. Hitomi nodded, and went solemn again, her thoughts flooding with Mamoru's goofy grin, her father's gentle voice, her mother rushing her out of bed for school in the morning, Yukari and Amano the night before they left. Those dreaded tears were coming again. She couldn't help herself. She had this terrible feeling that she'd never see any of them again. She felt warmth around her shoulders, and when she opened her wet eyes, Van was hugging her gently, but kept his attention on following the carriage in front of them. This gesture just made it worse, and she set her head on his shoulder, crying softly into his red, long- sleeved tunic.  
  
Hitomi knew that she was probably doing the stupidest and most childish thing in the world, crying on him, and she had just met him. But Van was so warm, and so gentle. She felt privileged, in a way, when he spoke to her with a soft, loving voice, something that was so uncharacteristic if she looked at him, but sounded so sweet.  
  
Van looked down at the distraught angel in his arms, and how her breathing had become even and slow, and that her weight had mostly been distributed to leaning against him, her sobs long dead. He released a breath of air he didn't realize he was holding, and gave Hitomi a gentle squeeze, but stayed with his arms encircling her protectively. He could only imagine what she was feeling right now. And her question had really caught him off guard. If he were to answer it truthfully, he'd have revealed everything and ruined it all. He pondered through all of the possible answers that he might give her if she answered the question again, but pushed the thoughts aside as he hugged her again, this time more for himself. He kept on needed some reminder that she was indeed here, and not some invisible ghost haunting him. He smiled sadly. This was going to take a while . . .  
  
******************************************  
  
Whew! Time to give Ms. Left and Ms. Right a long-awaited break, don't ya'll think? (aheheh) I made Allen say 'you all', and I wanted so badly to type 'ya'll'. But I can't see Allen being a kicker. I'd probably die laughing if I ever saw it, though *imagine, Allen Schezar in chaps and spurs. Sccccaaary~~*. Anywho, I'm currently working on a new story, called "Sing A Lullaby". It's an Esca fanfiction, so, unfortunately, "I'll Cry Instead" is going to go on hold for a while. Plus, I just finished the whole outline for "I'll Cry Instead", and I'm probably going to end up writing a freakin' novel. I never thought it would end up being as long as I'm planning, so it's kinda scary, you know? I do want to complete it, and I won't break it off and never come back to it, ok? *grumbles* Too many Esca authors do that, and it pisses me off! So many wonderful ideas are left unfinished! But life gets in the way, and I'm sad to say that my writing does not come first in my priorities (not during the school year, anyway). Anyway, this chapter was pretty much dedicated to Hitomi and Van, and some foreshadowing towards the future *cue corny horror music*. I really need feedback on this chapter; I really want to know if I presented the curve in the relationship well enough. I found that I had to struggle the last part of the chapter out, and it's hard for me to express Hitomi's point of view in words, especially with her major change in behavior. (Her animosity certainly has died down, for instance). The only reason I'm insecure is because I think it seems rushed, but who knows? R & R, pwease!!  
  
Love and hope,  
  
Cev  
  
P.S. Everyone go read "Secrets and Lies" by Gillian2282. Wow. Such an amazing story. VxH, and VERY VERY good.  
  
Next Chapter: Nights in the inns with Van become confusing and frustrating. A visit to Palas proves to be fatal to all parties involved, and Hitomi uncovers interesting answers to Kuro, along with other disturbing information regarding her dreams. 


End file.
